


Happier With You

by Destielgospel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Son of Lucifer, Team Free Will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 14:19:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10968996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destielgospel/pseuds/Destielgospel
Summary: Dean's mom is dead. His best friend is dead. And all he can think about is the words that he could never find the courage to say.





	Happier With You

**Author's Note:**

> Song title from Ed Sheeran's latest album. As always, comments are greatly appreciated! Or if you just want to comment and further cry about Cas dying once again, I'm perfectly obliged to that.

And just like that all the unsaid words Dean had never said became so clear. He didn’t even feel his knees drop to the floor. The pain of losing his mother was still in the back of his head and sharp in his chest but all he could do was look at his best friend. He didn’t even know if he was really breathing or not all he could do was think about the I love you that had always been caught in his throat when he looked at Cas.

The closest Dean had ever been to telling Cas his feelings was when his mom came back. It was the closest he felt to whatever normal was in their world and he could almost picture the perfect family apple pie life he’d only imagined between sleep and awake. In that brief time he could so clearly see him in the kitchen baking a pie with his mother while Cas commented on the molecular makeup of apples and cinnamon. In those moments, it took everything he had not to just blurt out the three words in any near vicinity of Cas.

Damn did he regret not doing it now.

Cas wasn’t always the greatest of people at times. Dean was still surprised at how many times Dean had let him walk back into his life like nothing ever happened. Him doing this was the first thing that made Dean admit to himself that he viewed Cas as more than just another hunter or another friend. Dean in a way never did stop running from his feelings for his best friend. He would run away from him into another fight instead of actually facing the real battle of finally getting his shit together. But he always knew every time he thought he was on the brink of death, time was only running out.

He still couldn’t believe, as he stared at his best friend, that the clock had finally stopped ticking.

What made Dean the most pissed at himself wasn’t the fact that he’d never told him. It was always the fact that fear was the only reason he didn’t. Not fear that Cas didn’t reciprocate his feelings. Of course he knew that there was a small chance but Cas and him wouldn’t end because of something like that. Cas would cover it up and say something about not understanding human affection and move on like he did most other things. But no, Dean was always scared that Cas would say yes. And that Dean wouldn’t be good enough for him after that. Because how could Dean promise Cas that he was always going to come back home? Or that his struggle with emotions and showing them wouldn’t be an issue? 

The questions he’d always asked himself seemed so stupid now. Because they’d always known there was a chance of never coming back home. And Cas knew Dean damn well as good as Sam did and he wouldn’t have ever expected that out of him. All the reasons they would have worked made so much more sense now that it was impossible for them to.

Which meant Dean was going to do everything in his god damn power to bring his best friend back. And he was going to man up and do the thing that would have made his mother the most proud of him. And Dean knew that there was only one way that would ever happen.

He stood up from his knees and felt the slightest twinge of grace from what could be the last time Cas ever healed him, and went to go meet the son of Lucifer.


End file.
